With the development of society, the emotional life of the elderly has gradually gained attention. After experiencing the baptism of marriage and life, many seniors still desire to share their old age with the person of their choice and find emotional fulfillment and companionship. For them, the process of entering a new relationship is called “senior dating”. However, during this process, many seniors tend to get caught up in excessive fantasies when facing their preferred partners, and such fantasies often become a stumbling block to dating and relationship building, thus affecting the natural development of the relationship. Therefore, seniors need to avoid excessive fantasizing and maintain a realistic and sensible mindset as they enter into the dating process.
Fantasy Makes a Relationship Lacking in Authenticity
Having experienced marriage, intimacy, and friendship, older people are supposed to be more aware of what they expect from their partners. However, when entering a new emotional relationship, many people tend to project their past experiences and idealized expectations of love onto the new person, forming fantasies about the other person. For example, they may place too much emphasis on their partner’s physical appearance, ignoring the compatibility of their personality and values; or they may have overly rosy visions of their future life, expecting to spend a “perfect” old age with their partner.
However, fantasy does not bring true happiness. Relationship success is based on real interactions and mutual understanding, not mere expectations and fantasies. Excessive fantasizing can cause the older person to overlook the shortcomings of the other person, and even create unrealistic expectations of the other person, which ultimately leads to disappointment and loss for both parties. If the gap between reality and fantasy is too wide, this sense of loss may bring the relationship to an end rather than make it stronger.
Fantasy Tends to Form Emotional Dependence
Another side effect of fantasy is that it tends to make older people emotionally dependent. Some older people may idealize the other person as a “lifesaver” in their lonely life, and give too much significance to the other person’s existence. This kind of emotional dependence can make them feel overwhelmed by minor frictions, and may even lead to unnecessary pressure on the other person.
Emotional dependence can lead to inequality in the relationship, with one partner being overly dependent while the other may feel the pressure of not being able to fulfill the other’s expectations. In the long run, the relationship becomes unsustainable and less likely to be fulfilling for both parties. Healthy emotional relationships should be based on mutual respect and independence, and older people should maintain their independence and rational thinking in the dating process to avoid over-dependence on the other person.
Fantasy Can Lead to Unrealistic Expectations
Many older people tend to enter the dating market with some overly high expectations. Such expectations may stem from their memories of past marriages or ideal models of love taken from social media and movies. Older people may expect a romantic relationship with the other person, hoping that the other person will make up for what they lacked in their past life, or even put all their emotions on the other person. However, such unrealistic expectations often lead to frustration.
The purpose of entering into dating should not be to find a perfect partner, but rather to find someone who understands each other and can share life. Older people should be rational about what they want in a relationship and understand that everyone has flaws and shortcomings. Perfect love often exists only in fantasy, and true relationships are a process of mutual bonding through joint efforts and tolerance.
Avoid Fantasizing to Get to Know Each Other Better
It is often difficult for older people to get to know each other for real if they get too caught up in fantasizing about each other during the dating process. Fantasizing may cause them to overlook important aspects of the other person’s lifestyle, values, hobbies, and interests. Understanding each other’s personalities and life backgrounds is crucial if you want to build a healthy relationship.
Avoiding fantasies enables older people to focus more on the reality of the other person, observing and experiencing the other person as they are, rather than letting idealized images blind them. During the dating process, older people should try to let go of past experiences and high expectations of others, and adopt a more open and tolerant attitude to accept the other person, so that they are more likely to find the right partner for them.
Stay Rational and Enjoy Real Relationship Development
When seniors are free of fantasies about who they are dating, they are better able to enjoy the natural, egalitarian process of development in a dating relationship. Curiosity and interest in each other should be maintained in dating, but there is also a need to be rational about each other’s strengths and weaknesses. By communicating, understanding, and respecting each other, a stronger trust and relationship is built.
In addition, older people may wish to relax their minds during the process of dating, not to be too anxious about the results, but just to enjoy the process of getting along with each other. For the elderly, the purpose of dating is not only to find a partner but also to find a comfortable and warm companionship through getting along with each other, to make the later years of life more colorful. By being rational and true to themselves, they can cope more comfortably with all kinds of situations that may arise during the dating process!
